Erotic Self

I never worried about being a good lover. I didn’t have to worry about such things because they always seemed to come naturally for me. I mean to say that I did manage to cooperate with my marriage partner in producing Three healthy sons so something must have worked as designed.

With me everything sexual was based with the emphasis more on passion and not entirely on performance. I lived in an era when women were feeling liberated and there were such scintillating literary works on the market as a manifesto on performance named, “The Joy Of Sex.” I never felt the need to consult a textbook on the subject as everything came natural to me .. just like some kind of animal … I instinctively seemed to know what to do and the idea of having to mold myself to the insinuations of some book made the very idea feel contrived and phony and certainly added nothing to the passions.

I was never interested in the concept of raw conquest but a lot of my contemporaries were utter braggarts, always trying to out-do each other in enhancing their brags about who they slept with and how they slept with them. I listened to a lot of this braggadocio, but it really never appealed to my deeper sensitivities but was something of a turn off, really. Lying was never one of my strong points until I entered the field of competitive business. After I got into the business world, I developed what I call, “Productive Lying” to a high degree — It seemed to me that all CEO types in that time span owed their final success to their ability to dream, to scheme, to lie and to be as cut throat as legally permissible. I thrived in that environment and sometimes I believe that the energy generated by business competition added force and power to my libidinal instincts too.

My whole thing was primal eroticism. I was never much interested in pretence or role playing. Yet I was not the iconic “Wham, Bam, Thank You, Maam” kind either. I liked the whole encounter to flow steadily and with a pace similar to the sound of the earth grinding deep within …I liked the whole encounter to germinate and to sprout and to flower and to produce the essence of primal being that comes from a lightning bolt running up and down the spine, culminating in a blast of mind-numbing power so forceful that it sometimes caused a momentary blackout.

I like to believe that there was as much supernatural spirit in my connections as there was pure raw animal impulse.

2 thoughts on “Erotic Self

  1. I can remember every woman I have been with in my life, whether a chance encounter, or three wives. The early days were not so impressive, but I was happy to learn from my mistakes. 🙂
    Best wishes, Pete.

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