Can I Borrow Your Lawn Mower?

What are you going to do when your friend or neighbor borrows your lawn mower or your tools or something else and keeps it and doesn’t return it?

First of all, it is no sin to go and ring their doorbell and ask for the item back. This, of course, done in the friendliest manner possible. I mean you did not “Give” them the borrowed item as a gift and that fact should have been implied and understood in the original transaction.

You might even want to be a funny clown when you go to collect your item … you might want to say something like, “Gee, Howard, I seem to have lost my lawn mower somewhere, can I borrow yours?”

I loaned my best friend a Hundred dollars once so he could run off and get married to his fiancé. He never mentioned it nor offered to pay it back for at least 5 years. It actually made me begin to look at him in less than friendly terms. Eventually he managed to give my wife a dilapidated old phonograph that barely played and said that should cover what he owed to me.

I like that old saying, “Neither a lender nor a borrower be.”

These days I am more inclined to respond to requests to borrow something of mine with, “Have you ever thought of buying one of your own?”

I am “Inclined” to say something snippy like that but then I remember that only Republicans act that way and I am a Democrat so I usually end of granting the request to borrow something.

My Dad had a saying that I liked … he always counselled, “Never loan anything to anybody that you can’t afford to lose.”

Dad was a die-hard Republican and because he was, he did die hard. He died penniless because his Republican employers took every advantage of my Dad they could think of for all the years he worked for their sorry asses.

They paid him slave wages, never provided him with any insurance, never attended his funeral when they wore him out.

But they did send someone to our house to collect the keys to the tractor that they allowed him to drive from work to home and back again.

My Dad could never afford a car on the wages they paid him. He had to keep us fed and a roof over our heads. A roof that leaked in many places in a house that had loose sidling that allowed the cold winter wind to blow through.

But my Dad was another story. Even though he was a die-hard republican, he also had the heart of a Democrat and would loan anything he had to anybody who asked.

Me? I just made a shitload of money … more than I would ever need … and I never loaned anything to anybody except for that Hundred dollars I loaned to George that time.

I figured that if I could raise myself up out of desperate poverty by the strings on my shoes, then everybody else ought to be able to do the same thing and buy their own things instead of borrowing from me.

I know, I know … I am an asshole!

You don’t have to tell me twice. Everybody knows it … everybody except my banker. And he might know it, but he doesn’t dare to say it.


4 thoughts on “Can I Borrow Your Lawn Mower?

  1. I have few tools, and everyone around me has a lawn mower, so I never get asked to loan one out. My wife asked to borrow our neighbour’s pressure washer to clean her car, and he brought it round and washed it for her! That was a ‘win-win’. But then she made me buy our own pressure washer, so we didn’t have to ask him again. 🙂
    Best wishes, Pete.

  2. I think like you….I never loan anything to anyone….I may help them do something but my tools go with me. chuq

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