I thought I could help my pet goldfish get into better physical shape by buying him a little bicycle but, for some odd reason, it never worked out. I spent the money on the bike, but the poor little thing could never learn to ride it. But he did begin to sing perfect operatic auras until the day he held a high “C” note too long and drowned himself.
Kind of reminds me of the time I was visiting a girl’s gym class outdoors. It was a hot day in August and everyone was sweating profusely.
The coach handed one of the girls a brand new kind of sunscreen lotion to try. She put the lotion all over her exposed skin hoping for some protection from the Sun’s intense rays. But in a few minutes, after the girl had applied the lotion, her skin began to turn dark red and to smoke. The girl screamed as the skin where she had applied the lotion turned black and began to peel. She screamed even louder when her skin burst into flame and within a very few minutes, she was nothing but a pile of smoking ashes.
Do I need to tell you that nobody else in that gym class tried the new lotion for themselves?
I went to a special showing of paintings at a local gallery one Wednesday afternoon.
One of the paintings on display in the gallery was of several monkeys, all of them waving long bamboo sticks in the air.
The title of the picture was, “Radical Republicans Waving Sticks In The Air Because That Is All They Know How To Do.”
One day, not too long ago, I tried an experiment. I coated my entire body with vegetable oil, It was so slick that I could barely stand on my feet or hang onto anything with my hands.
I sat right down and wrote a letter to Donald Trump in which I said, “Dear Mr. Trump, try coating yourself with vegetable oil. If you do, I am sure you will discover, as I have, that you can squeeze out of most anything.”
I though that I should try my hand at writing a poem. So here we go:
“I have no trouble blowing my nose,
But I never could whistle through my toes.”