The One Question I Hate To Be Asked

The one question I hate to be asked is, “How much money do you have?”

When some nosy people asked me that question, my first response which is intended to be off-putting is another question, “Why do you want to know? Are you going to offer me more money or an opportunity to make more money?

Another response I have is, “Are you asking me how much money I have on me at this moment or are you asking me how much money I have access to or how much much money I am able to put my hands on to spend?”

Actually, it makes me a little uncomfortable when someone asks me how much money I have because in all reality I have a shit load of it but unless the person asking me is a government agent or an accountant it is none of their damned business how much money I have.

I had an associate ask me that question once — right out of the blue — for no obvious reason –It turns out the associate was going to hit me up for a loan so he could buy a new truck. — I referred him to the local loan agency, telling him, I am not a bank, although I probably could be if I wanted to do it bad enough.

My usual response to the question is, “I would rather not share that.”

Sometimes I just tell the inquirer an outright lie — “I don’t have a penny to my name or a pot to piss in, are you going to give me a bundle of money to help me out?”

Ultimately I know that my financial affairs are my own private business but there are times when it might be socially correct to discuss these things — with friends — with loan officers — with tax agents — the list is short of course.

When I am feeling especially mean-spirited or when I think the person trying to nose into my affairs is especially aggressive, I am just as liable as not to tell them, “I have enough money to buy all the ass I want…are you selling or what?”

That will usually shut them up or make them mad enough to take a swipe at me.

The one thing I never say in this situation is, “Would you like to reach into my pocket and see how much money I have?” The reason I never ask that question in return to an inquiry about my finances is you never know who is a pervert and who is not these days …. especially if the person being inquisitive is a right-wing extremist. — There is no right-wing extremist living who I consider to be sanitary enough to handle my junk. (Not even with surgical gloves on.).

I guess I have answered today’s “Prompt” well enough — so, time to shut up and do something else.


5 thoughts on “The One Question I Hate To Be Asked

  1. You can ask me how much money I have, anyone can. My answer is always the same. Not enough, considering 34 years of dedicated service in jobs that helped people and society. (EMT and Police) If I had chosen to be a banker or currency dealer instead, I’m sure I would have more than enough money now. (No regrets)
    Best wishes, Pete.


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