Old Man Ghoul Loved To Beat His Son

Old man Ghoul was a farmer and he was old and cranky and mean-spirited.  He loved to get mad and beat his horses and his mule with harness straps and when his son, Ghoul Jr., expressed a desire to get off the farm and go to college, the old man delighted in beating him with the harness straps too.

In fact, Old Ghoul loved to beat on his wife too.  He beat on her until she became totally crazy.  The Ghoul family was so weird — old Ghoul and his wife would both buy their groceries separately and fix their own individual meals and share them with young Ghoul.

As late as the year, 1950, Old Ghoul would go to the local grocery store in a horse-drawn wagon … delaying traffic and making drivers of automobiles curse profanely and loudly.

His son, whom we shall call Reeshard, became totally bipolar from all the beatings and would go off without warning and become violently angry if you attempted to engage him in a conversation for much of a time.

I once made the mistake of stepping foot over a fence at his farm (Our property adjoined his farm) and was greeted with a rain of shotgun pellets as he pulled the trigger on me.  I was unhurt because he was so far away when he shot at me.

Reeshard did have his calm moments, however.  He delighted in singing in the choir at the local American Methodist Episcopal church every Sunday morning.

“You’ll Never Be Content”

If I were to write a story where someone tells me, “You will never be content” I will have to dredge up memories of most of the assholes in my life who have tried to hold me back with their nay-saying.

I guess the first of such depressing events was the time when a person who I thought was my best friend became angry with me and told me, “You will never be anything in this life, you will never leave this hole that you live in.”  His name was “Skip” and he was angry with me because he was “Gay” and I was not and I had resisted his physical advances.

Skip was wrong, of course, because I believe it was the very week that he had said that when I went to a large nearby city and enlisted in the U.S. Air Force for four years.,

The next time I encountered someone trying to squash my ambitions was the day that my own father, a manual laborer in a local cemetery (A gravedigger who dug graves by hand with a pick and shovel — a job that he had worked for many years –told me one day, “You were born poor and you will always be a working man and if you know what is good for you, you will work here with me in this cemetery once you get out of the Air Force,”

The vision of myself being a 65-year-old gray-haired man with a shovel in my hand, working for shit wages for the rest of my life was enough to propel me to go into industry and, through hard work … through good times and bad times … rise to ownership and more money than I had ever imagined could possibly exist … especially for me.

The moral of this story is, “Never cave into other people’s expectations of who and what you are or what you might ever do or be because the truth is, you can achieve in life whatever you can perceive in your mind through a burning desire to succeed.

There are no known exceptions to this universal law.

IS EVERYTHING WE EAT UNSAFE?

I had been eating a couple of cups of brown rice for breakfast and all of a sudden I am reading on the Internet and I discover that brown rice contains arsenic of all things — arsenic, a deadly poison — but apparently alright if consumed in small enough quantities.

Then I discovered that chicken is tainted with arsenic too.  So between the rice and chicken, I have a problem that could lead to heart disease and liver problems and all kinds of other ailments if I eat too much of them.

I had been over eating on the rice because I read that it helps to lose weight and I am overweight … all the damned time.

So now I am switching to oatmeal and eggs for breakfast.  God only knows what problems I will have with those two things.  I am sure there will be something.

I am getting to the point where I believe that anything we eat can kill us over a period of time.  The amount of additives and preservatives in our food are surely enough that we will not to have an undertaker embalm us when we are dead because by that time the food additives will have us all well pickled in the first place.

Did I mention that there is often lead in drinking water … and tap water probably contains trace amounts of every drug that everybody in our community takes each day ….so I must be well inoculated against almost every known medical condition by now.

And don’t even get me started talking about the disgusting things that can be found in restaurant food …READ MORE HERE.

I always examine everything I eat very carefully.  People always stare at me wondering what in the hell I am doing.  But I am not about to unwittingly bite down on another used bandage while eating a hamburger sandwich at some fast food restaurant.

 

 

 

Adventitious Flukyness

Everyone should know that if you have not been good Santa Claus will leave you a lump of coal for Christmas instead of cookies and candy.  That is the traditional tale.  So if that is true, then why was the freezing little Russian boy in Siberia so filled with joy when he got his lump of coal?  Can you tell me that?

Junior and Howard are at the dog pound looking
for a hunting dog for Howard.
Junior points at one cage and says, “Howard,
look at that dog with one eye!”
Howard covers one of his eyes and says,
“Where?

I am about to suggest something that will save the average American a whole lot of money over a working lifetime.

Here is my suggestion:

It has been reported that America is now trending toward smaller families.

Since that is the case now, my suggestion is that the ideal family from now on will be one man married to one woman and a dog (Or cat) as tastes go. No kids to suck up the usual Two Hundred Thousand dollars it takes to raise one these days.

A few years ago when my wife of 33 years (Now deceased) was asked by a friend, “What is the most bizarre gift your husband ever gave you?” my dearly beloved scratched her chin, thought for a moment and replied, “Himself.”

Question:  “How much legal protection should journalists have?”
Answer:  “It all depends on how sexually active the journalists are.”

Question: “What would you do if you were to win a million dollars?”
Answer:  “I would add it to my other millions of dollars in a respectable account under the control of a well-reputed Certified Financial Planner.”

To hell with world peace … I want a puppy!

If you want to increase the level of your consciousness then you need to stop reading and writing about things that destroy brain cells.  Smoking marijuana destroys brain cells.  Paying attention to the conspiracy theories of the radical Republicans not only destroys brain cells but it can make a person impotent too over a period of time.  This explains the ineptness of most Republicans who are either in the office or who are candidates for office.  Right-wing radicals are incapable of original thought.  All they can do is parrot what their own kind have told them.

I was totally offended by the suggestion that my younger brother was a homosexual until I calmed down a little bit and remembered that I do not have a brother.

I was fertilizing my field of strawberries … the field next door to the mental institution …when an inmate at the nuthouse who had been leaning on a fence called out to me and asked, “What are you doing?”

I told the inmate, “I am putting horse manure on my strawberries.”

The inmate replied, “We put whipped cream on ours.”

The spa attendant applied the cleaning mask to the customer’s ass and all those who were standing around observing the procedure gave a sigh of relief … in perfect unison.

Being serious for a minute now, I am going to the eye doctor again tomorrow to have my vision tested and to see if my glaucoma is still under control.

 

Things I’ve Never Thunk Before

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I thought I could help my pet goldfish get into better physical shape by buying him a little bicycle but, for some odd reason, it never worked out.  I spent the money on the bike, but the poor little thing could never learn to ride it.  But he did begin to sing perfect operatic auras until the day he held a high “C” note too long and drowned himself.

Kind of reminds me of the time I was visiting a girl’s gym class outdoors.  It was a hot day in August and everyone was sweating profusely.

The coach handed one of the girls a brand new kind of sunscreen lotion to try.  She put the lotion all over her exposed skin hoping for some protection from the Sun’s intense rays. But in a few minutes, after the girl had applied the lotion, her skin began to turn dark red and to smoke.  The girl screamed as the skin where she had applied the lotion turned black and began to peel.  She screamed even louder when her skin burst into flame and within a very few minutes, she was nothing but a pile of smoking ashes.

Do I need to tell you that nobody else in that gym class tried the new lotion for themselves?

I went to a special showing of paintings at a local gallery one Wednesday afternoon.

One of the paintings on display in the gallery was of several monkeys, all of them waving long bamboo sticks in the air.

The title of the picture was, “Radical Republicans Waving Sticks In The Air Because That Is All They Know How To Do.”

One day, not too long ago, I tried an experiment.  I coated my entire body with vegetable oil,  It was so slick that I could barely stand on my feet or hang onto anything with my hands.

I sat right down and wrote a letter to Donald Trump in which I said, “Dear Mr. Trump, try coating yourself with vegetable oil.  If you do, I am sure you will discover, as I have, that you can squeeze out of most anything.”

I though that I should try my hand at writing a poem.  So here we go:

“I have no trouble blowing my nose,
But I never could whistle through my toes.”

 

The Fat Baker And The Little Mouse

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There was once a fat baker who had found himself in prison after poisoning several of his customers with poison-laced pecan rolls.

While imprisoned, serving a life sentence, the baker was charged with baking all the sweets for the prisoners but under the strictest of supervision.

Strict supervision would be a “Given” in this case, given the baker’s predispositions.

So whenever the baker baked, someone was there to keep an eye on his every move.

One day as the baker was baking, a little mouse appeared in one corner of the baker’s cell.

The mouse looked up at the baker with pleading eyes and a few enticing wiggles of his little whiskers.

The baker threw the little mouse a few tidbits of freshly baked doughnuts.

After a while, the little mouse began to make daily visits to beg for crumbs from the baker.

In the meantime, the baker, who was always chained to his cell door by a long leash, got fatter and fatter from eating too much of his own products, fresh from the oven.

The little mouse began to get fatter and fatter too because of the baker’s kindness in feeding him crumbs.

The fat baker and the fat mouse had struck a stunningly affectionate relation ship that lasted for years.

One day, the baker noticed that the little mouse had died and was lying peacefully in the corner of his cell.

Grasping the little mouse lovingly in his hands, the fat baker began to cry copious tears, all the while pleading, “Don’t leave me!  Oh God, please don’t leave me!”

The next day as the prison guards came to the baker’s cell for their daily prisoner check, they noticed that the baker had died also.

The baker lay dead in the corner of his cell with the little mouse asleep for all eternity by his side.

Unleash The Power Of Attraction In Your Own Life

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Everything I have ever had that is worth having has been brought to me by “The Law of Attraction.”

The Law of Attraction is a universal principle also sometimes referred to as “Universal Law.” In the world of the Christian, The Law of Attraction is known as faith in God.

The Law of Attraction is based on the assumption/theory/fact (However you wish to define it) that whatever your situation is now has been formed by your thought processes somewhere along the line.  It also supposes that whatever your situation in the future might be, that future will be formed, molded and delivered to you because of the thought processes that dominate you life at the present moment.

This is not only theoretical but I believe can be demonstrated and proven.

It has certainly worked for me.  It has gotten me out of the worse scrapes of my life and has brought me the greatest rewards of living.

You don’t have to believe in The Law of Attraction because whether you choose to believe in it or not, it is all around you all the time constantly working to shape your reality and you can actually get to the point where you can use it to your advantage … use it to bring about life-changing circumstances.

In 1978 when I had gone totally bankrupt and lost everything I had ever worked for, I discovered how to use The Laws of Attraction and I developed the habit of constantly visualizing myself out of the bind I had gotten into and into prosperous circumstances again.  I used self-affirmations and prayers and visualizations every day for Two years and suddenly, in 1982, the universe presented me with an opportunity that started a chain reaction and led me to the best life I have ever lived — much better than the life I had lost through my own neglect and carelessness.

So having said that, I will now share a  link with you to an article that I read and that I think tells people much of what they need to know in order to get this power working in their own lives.  Will it work for you?  I guarantee nothing!  I am sharing my own experiences here and sharing information with  whoever reads this post.  The link I want to share is here: https://www.bravethinkinginstitute.com/blog/life-transformation/what-is-the-law-of-attraction

Like I said before, in 1978 I didn’t have a pot to pee in but by 1982 my feet were back on solid ground again.

I had to live a life of stark poverty for a couple of years between 1978 and 1982 and at times I was so depressed, thinking that I would never be able to rise out of my troubles.  But when inspiration began flowing to me from the heavens above, I was empowered by massive confidence that I would be victorious and the confidence came that drove me to start believing and to start uttering words of faith and to start visualizing myself in a better position … and it finally manifested for me and it has been working for me ever since.

Like I said before I am not selling anything here, I am not paid to promote anything here .. I am sharing stuff that I have seen, used or done with people who might be interested and I am not guaranteeing that anything I write in this post will work for everybody, but I can affirm that it has worked very well for me.

Eyebrows Aren’t Everything

The first thing I noticed about the woman sitting across from me at the bar was that her eyebrows were somewhat darker than her hair.  It didn’t strike me as too unusual because a lot of people enhance the color of their hair and their eyebrows.

This woman’s eyebrows were more horizontal than some that I have seen before, and they enhanced the depth of her blazing blue eyes greatly.  The effect was almost hypnotic.

For some reason, it struck me that this lady was more of what you might consider to be “Handsome” than she was “Beautiful.” That gave me a little twitchy chill for a second and then it passed.  I have heard some British people refer to some attractive women as “Handsome.”

The woman’s face was captivating in a manner of speaking and her expression was rather serious and set.  She was engaged in a lively and animated conversation with another lady as they sipped their drinks.

I thought to myself, “That woman is very mysterious to me … almost engaging.

I motioned the bar tender over closer to me and I whispered, “Who is that gorgeous young woman over there?”  I nodded my head slightly in her direction so that the bar tender could see who I was talking about.

The bar tender replied, “Why, that’s Vine Street Betty … and oh by the way, “She” is not a she … she is a man … she is transgender.

I think that event took place just one day before I went to the optometrist to have my glasses adjusted.

Something In The Tree

There was definitely something in the tree and when Billy stared hard enough at it, he could see faint movement.

Billy squinted his eyes against the glare of the sun and stared even harder at the tree trying to figure out what was happening and what he was really seeing.

The more Billy stared at that tree, though, the more he began to think that maybe his eyes were playing tricks on him or that he was imagining things.

He knew that he had seen strange movement in that tree but the strangest thing about it all was that the movement didn’t really begin until he started to look away and then, out of the corner of his eye, he would see the movement again and his attention would be drawn back to staring.

That was the day that Billy was staring steadfastly at the tree.

Today, the word around town is that if you pass by that old tree, you too might see the movement.

They say that if you stare hard enough at the tree … just the way Billy did, you can see Billy inside of the tree with a look of horror on his face and with his hands trying desperately to claw his way out.

Turn On The Faucet

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I can’t remember who said it now, but somebody famous once said, “The water doesn’t flow until the faucet is turned on.” Well, folks, I am the faucet right now and I guarantee you that I am not “Turned On” as it were …. I haven’t been turned on about much of anything for a long long time now. It seems sometimes that when a person has everything there is to have and has been everywhere there is to go, Life takes a turn for the duller until the instinct for survival kicks in and then things might liven up a little.

A writing prompt suggested that I write something about my youth.

I would ….. and I still might …. but my youth was a hodge podge of negative, sometimes nasty memories about poverty, loneliness and abusiveness ….. about a lot of people who looked and acted like mindless ogres sometimes …. drunks ….sloppy, slovenly, lipstick-smeared bitches always wanting to cuddle me and fondle me …cigarette smoke, booze flowing like water ….stinking cats pissing all over the ramshackle bungalow house we lived in ….the older kid across the street who took me into the attic of an old abandoned garage his family owned to teach me the birds and the bees.

I still remember that filthy-mouthed little faggot. He was about three years older than me and he loved to throw gravel rocks at me from the gravel road in front of our mutual dwellings. He always vacillated between wanting to play nice with me and causing me to stick my finger into a live electric plug in the dark stairwell of his house.

I remember the night he came over to our house because he had nothing better to do and we started throwing darts at a target on the wall. I threw a dart just about the time he jumped in front of the target and the dart graved past his ear, nearly hitting him in the head. My old man (Dad) (Father) flew into one of his rages at that point and beat my ass almost blue with his belt and I thought it was unfair because I knew the little bastard had done it on purpose just to get me into trouble, But asshole that he was, he was a human being of sorts and I needed companionship and besides my dog, he came in handy to fill some lonely hours even if those hours were fraught with danger.

It was he who taught me to smoke cigarettes and to drink whiskey that he had stolen from his alcoholic big brother. It was he who invited me one day to play with the detonator from a bomb that was being built in a munitions factory in an adjacent village —- This was during World War II.

The detonator was supposed to be unloaded with any explosives and it had been brought home by my friend’s also alcoholic father as a toy for his son, my friend. It had a propeller on the front and metal wings in the back … just like bombs of the day … but other than that, it was open and supposedly empty — nothing but a metal frame with a propeller. It was something my friend and I could play “War Games” with.

We took turns throwing the device up into the air, pretending we were bombing enemies.

On one of the “Throws,” the device came down with a thud, hitting the concrete porch of my friend’s house.

The next thing I remember was lying on the ground with my ears ringing and with my Mother standing over me and with my friend screaming in anguish from the shrapnel in his legs from the exploded device. I never got a scratch. I was just knocked unconscious. The bomb casing with no explosives inside of it managed to break windows in houses for many blocks and I later came to be thankful that neither of us had been killed or maimed too badly.

I think that bomb blast happened in about the same year that my friend’s drunken father went into the garage and blew his brains out with a shotgun.

It seemed like every family in that neighborhood was dysfunctional in one manner or another.

We all managed to eat … to stay clean … to be clothed .. to have a roof over our heads … but none of had a pot to piss in really …. we survived by growing vegetables in gardens, by stretching food as far as we could, by having dinners consisting of nothing but bread and milk gravy or biscuits and potatoes … or other odd combinations of whatever was available. We borrowed sugar from our neighbors and they borrowed bread from us. Once a week, we went to the grocery store and bought what we could with the pitifully meager wages from my Dad’s “Nothing” job and from my Mom taking in clothes washing and ironing for the wealthier people in the “Hood.”

Mom finally got a job at the same munitions factory that bomb had come from and she earned Seven dollars a week before taxes and that allowed us to live a little higher on the hog.

Yes, my nasty-minded friend, whom I shall now identify as “Jimmy” taught me a lot of things. One of the things he taught me … a lesson that I learned quickly and only participated in one time… was how to catch and cook wild birds … birds like Robin Red Breasts. I think this was one of the most disgusting things I ever tried in my entire life. But that is how “Jimmy” was. He loved to sass and curse his mother and she loved to slap the shit out of him whenever he did. I always loved to watch as “Jimmy” got his ass whipped by his Mom. It was strangely satisfying.

Jimmy finally grew into a fine specimen of manhood and joined the Marines and served honorably. Once his military service was finished, he returned to civilian life and, like his older brother, drank himself to death at a young age. By that time, I had long since moved away from that neighborhood and was living somewhere else.

Well, I guess I did get a blog post out of this after all … such as it is.